you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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