Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
