Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
