I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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