Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
bring money and cleavage
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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