Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
