She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
