I wish I only lived at night.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
