No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
