And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
