I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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You. Win. At. Life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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