dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
