____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
