We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it's like heaven, but drunker
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
