OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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