Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pants are for mortals
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
