Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize