I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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