I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
