The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You pole danced in your parka.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
