Sponge bath it is.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
