i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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