i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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