you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
