just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
