Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so explain again why im purple
no
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
