Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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