i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
