I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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