he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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