And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
