okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
