I look better un-naked...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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