I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
