Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
