Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
