fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
