I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize