A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
