Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
