make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I did not marry a roomba.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
