my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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