Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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