Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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