please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
