k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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