you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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