Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
