I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
