I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
