i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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