Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
