no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
