the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
