i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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