I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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