Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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