VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize