I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
