I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
