Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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