he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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