haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
