She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
