There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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