Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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