Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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