I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
