Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
