Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
