As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
