I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
