Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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