So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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