yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
