if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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